Advanced New Study Reveals Link Between Newly Washed Cars, Rain, Snow, Sleet

Local woman Rachel “LQTM” Spohn has at last revealed a correlation between bad weather and clean cars.

In what researchers now call a thoroughly groundbreaking and highly scientific study of monumental import, Ms. Spohn has discovered a new way to accurately predict the weather—and she did it all with her car. “Well, I first noticed the phenomenon a few years ago; I would wash my car, and the next day it would rain, snow, hail, or any other combination of the three. When this continued to happen, I decided to track the effects of clean cars on the atmosphere,” Ms. Spohn stated.

After a conclusive study of two and a half months, Ms. Spohn found that 10 to 1, the weather became particularly volatile in the days following the washing of her car. In fact, the pattern has proved so predictable that scientists are hailing the findings as the first step toward a new age of weather forecasting.

Despite the acclaim, Ms. Spohn fails to see the bright side of her discovery.
“It just ain’t right,” she commented, an air of personal vendetta in her tone. “I just wanted to keep my car free of corroding salt and vicious road grime. A person can’t even live anymore without them [expletive deleted] clouds messin’ it up all the time.”

“Them clouds” refused comment, choosing instead to glower ominously in the sky above Mister Moochie’s Aloha Suds ‘n Spray Car Wash.