that time i walked away from everything and the world kept on spinning.

So one day the universe was like, Let's hit a point where we kind of figure out where things are going, how does that sound? And I was like, Kayyyy but after this episode of Sherlock. Cut scene to two years later and that episode morphed into full-blown seasons and I'm sheepishly peeking out from under my quilt and the universe is tapping its foot and looking at me sooo judgmentally. So obviously I haven't been the greatest human I can be and no amount of broken hearts (sigh) and pointless jobs (grrr) can excuse that.

When I tell people I'm moving to Montana to write (ps I'm moving to Montana to write) it's a little nerve-wracking but my mindset is that I actually don't care whether they understand why because it's been a long time coming and for the first time in 5 years I feel like I know what I'm doing. Can't deny your inner voice. Especially when your inner voice is your sister.

I think a lot about the kind of writer I want to be, in the published sense. I was at the grocery store recently when two indigents of the Jazzi scooter persuasion rolled up to a book display. The male-ish looking one screeched in utter disbelief and ecstasy, "Anne Rice has a new book??!!!11?!" Shiz got real in that moment, yo. If these people--yes, that's as judgy as it sounds, if not more. If only you could fully comprehend my capacity for judgment--could be motivated to read something by someone who can actually write, then we might have something here. My number one fear is being seen as a Stephenie Meyer. How terrible is that? I'm sure she's weeping into her millions of dollars about it. F'real though, I'm sensitive about my writing, more than any other aspect of myself. It's probably why it took me so long to get to this point. But I have ideas and I've been taught by some amazing people how to use them. I met up with my high school AP English teacher/friend this past Saturday. I've always looked up to her and she's a master at keeping it real, and she was really encouraging. As she said, Why the hell not?

So that is my mantra. Along with, You can always go home, and There's always show business.

start your december off right.

Poems read by Tom Hiddleston: Just click on this link and be thankful.

The dreamiest of the dream. The new simile for celestial glory is Tom's voice wrapped in his smile.

There is also a link on that page to download the tracks (19 in all) if you want to be like me and, er, listen to them while driving to work and be listening so intently you're suddenly going 35 mph on I-15. In the opposite direction of traffic. With your left blinker on since you left your house. Somehow.

man of steel: a synopsis.

:::spoiler alert:::

Visually astounding sci-fi sequence; parents send son to Earth with the genetic code of their race embodied within the lad. Or something. Debate over the peasants' acceptance of said son's abilities. Ship him out anyway because, like, plot progression and imploding planet.

Fast forward some-odd years later and son enters the scene with visually astounding abilities in the general bicep area.


Me and Cara:




Clarence:



Some minor stuff happened and then the movie pretty much ended and Cara and I just walked out of the theater like




Clarence:



He just can't take us anywhere.

We just can't take him anywhere.

indeed.

it is just me?

Does anyone else ever think that captcha phrases are getting increasingly harder? And from there you think, they could be getting more difficult to read OR I am becoming a robot.

For some reason I lean toward the latter. If we're talking plausibility and logic.

living, etc.

Couple things. First, I've finally finished Friday Night Lights. And now I must either (A) Move to Texas, or (B) Marry Tim Riggins. Unfortunately these items seem to be mutually exclusive, seeing as one is imaginary and the other more firmly grounded in reality. I'll let you decide which is which.

I also watched the 10th Doctor's finale, which I'd been putting off for months. I just can't imagine anyone else as the Doctor. David Tennant IS him. So yeah. Life's just FULL of disappointments right now. ;) I finished "The End of Time" and just moped around the house like

When I saw Matt Smith's face after the change, there were no words coming to mind that didn't rhyme with disgust and annoyance.

Also in British television is the second season of Sherlock, which was brilliant as always. Although the Irene Adler character bothered me to no end, as is the case with most adaptations. Did the writers even read the book?? Meh. But the show is clever and British so I don't feel comfortable complaining past that point.

(It's a little ironic that this post has "living" in the title and so far all I've talked about is tv. Hey, I never specified whether said living would be vicarious or actual. Your assumptions are your own.)

Other than that very important stuff...the new job's going great. It's been about two weeks and so far so good. The pay is considerably better and it's nice to not be feeling skint all the time. The work is interesting. I'm not seen as "just a secretary" anymore, which is loads better in itself. Quoi d'autre?

It's the time of the year when the creek behind my place is lousy with geese honking at all hours. So that's...nice. Despite this avian epidemic, I've realized the past month or so that I really love where I live. It's central to the freeway but still in a quiet area with lots of trees. Close to the park and library. Et ma maison? Je l'aime beaucoup. I bought two extremely sexy chairs and an end table for my office from World Market on Friday. It's the last room in my house that needs attention. Poor little loved-starved office. Triste.

On a last note, there are those of you out there who have asked for an update on L'Homme. And there's really not much to say beyond the fact that he visited, we spent time together, he said goodbye. He's a nice person but there were a few things about him that failed to cross the Skype divide earlier on that have made me decide not to continue with him. The Great Search continues, I guess. There was also that awkward moment when you're driving in the car with your significant other and a love song comes on the radio and you realize you're thinking of someone else. Ruh roh. So on these grounds I feel comfortable closing that chapter in my life. We can talk individually if you want a more detailed explanation, but I'm not going to word-vomit all over this when only two people want to know.

(cut to those two people)

At least you're honest.

mine eyes are burning: and other tales.

Lately when I've woken up my eyes are impossibly red and hurty. It feels like tired but with a hint of corneal infection. No idea. One other possibility is the cold weather. Pretty much as soon as November hit it feels like we were thrust into the Arctic tundra and my body's still reeling from the shock of it. Skin and hair getting dry, sensitive eyes red-rimmed and watery, and the edges of a cold taunting but never fully revealing itself. A week or so ago I felt my annual sinus infection coming on and headed home early from work. Two Emergen-C's, a Theraflu, and 19 hours of sleep later, crisis averted. I was pretty proud of myself. Very much not ready for winter. I feel like I can skip the next few months. Bears sure have something in this hibernation thing I hear they do. Because I'm too cheap to turn on the heat, a typical winter morning for me goes something like this: Wake up. Stick arm out of toasty blanket pile to discern level of imminent pain once I venture out. Icicles form on arm. Retract arm into blanket safety. Take a deep breath. Throw off covers while simultaneously taking off clothes to dive into shower. Turn on delicious hot water. Next there's denial, bargaining, and finally acceptance. Must leave shower.

Le sigh. Let us now speak of something that is foremost on my mind, and that's the fact that never in all the days of the Galactic Standard Calendar did I think I'd be dating someone who has blond hair. I know you are all up in arms over this as much as I am. I guess the joke's on me. Let me explain, I guess. I used to make fun of Cara for liking Quinn from The Used. Or any other light-haired guy. I've always been a brown hair/brown eyes kind of girl. Cara can attest to the level of my disgust over anything else. But within the last year I've had a mighty change of heart. It started with Thor, continued with Eric Northman, and found its summation in Jax Teller. (Fully aware that I sound like a ridiculous teenager right now, thanks. "There's a difference between like and love. Because, I like my Skechers, but I love my Prada backpack." RITE??) For a long time I questioned myself and my place in the universe. And now, months later, here is this new Eric. Blond hair, blue eyes. And I'm telling you, the view is great from where I'm standing. Yeah, total mindblow. Just goes to show you never know who's right for you, and limiting yourself to only people who look a certain way is probably the most ridiculous thing ever. /end soapbox.

What else should we talk about? I feel like I've been absent from the blogging world for too long to really know what to say to you people. Hm. Do you like...cheese?

just so we're clear.

Had a couple people ask me if I was announcing something with my last blog. The answer is no, everything is good with Eric. Sorry if that was a little misleading; it was unintentional. And if l'homme and I were ending it, I hope I don't come across as the type of person who would broadcast that on any internet venue, especially in such a vague way. Just sayin'. Thanks for caring enough to ask though. I just like the song and think it's awesome how perfectly Adele expresses something we've all felt at one time or another, ya know? :]

first vacation of the summer.

For the past week my family and I have been in central Oregon and northern California. We had the greatest time ever, like always, and I'm kind of in post-vacation shock right now. It feels weird to be in my house, driving my car, going to work (even if I did only go in for a half day.) Reality sucks. But my time away from it was a good one. From the trip overall, I learned I need to do the following three things:

1. Kayak more.
2. Move out of Utah.
3. Buy an old-school Schwinn and combine all three.

Here is a quick rundown of the things we saw, did, and ate.

Sunday, June 5.

Derek, Dad, Clara and I left early in the morning for Boise. Mom was already there since she had some properties to visit for work. The drive was relatively uneventful (I know this is shocking to you, since it's western Idaho) EXCEPT that we stopped at Shoshone Falls (the "Niagara of the West," apparently), saw the Twin Falls Temple, and stopped at a gas station that had some crazy alpacas. Yeah, Idk on that last one. Here are some photos from that drive:























































































We arrived in Boise that evening and just chilled in our hotel rooms. I guess you can't beat both a Sister Wives and a Hunt for Sasquatch marathon when you've been trapped in the car all day.

Monday, June 6.

The next morning we geared up for the drive to Oregon. Nothing much to say there...lots of sleeping and a random pit stop--the details of which will remain a family secret til the end of days.


We arrived in Bend, Oregon, in the early evening and stopped at the grocery store to get some food for the week. Derek and I were in charge of dinner the first night (grilled hamburgers, relish tray, watermelon, chips, oh yeah). We got our stuff together and headed to our cabin in Sunriver. I was really surprised to find that the cabin was actually part of a resort, which turned out to be awesome. For some reason I had imagined it as being isolated on some mountainside. Meh.

We arrived at the cabin and immediately everyone was involved in unpacking the truck and completing recon missions to scope out the best room and sleeping area to throw down their stuff.



That night we ate dinner, mom and dad and I went to the small country store to get some necessary caramel popcorn supplies (indeed I did make homemade caramel on a foreign, electric stove. Beat that!), and we watched a couple movies. We were pretty beat after the long drive so we all went to bed.











Tuesday, June 7.

After breakfast, Cara, Mom, Clarence and I went to the community's swimming pool. It was pretty warm in the afternoon, even though the breeze was chilly. It was kind of trippy to be swimming in a pool in the mountains, but trippy can also be synonymous with awesome, such as in this case.



We all got pretty burned, as we found out later that night. We played gin rummy as a family, at which I sucked so bad I might as well have been playing with Go Fish cards. Don't worry, I redeemed myself the next night with an overall score of 140. Yup.

Wednesday, June 8.

Wednesday we had a five-mile hike to Benham Falls. The weather was perfect and the best part was there weren't any crowds, so we were able to enjoy the scenery. That night Derek and I went on an epic bike journey in search of the path to the store. Apparently the family needed ice cream RIGHT NOW so Derek and I threw on our adventure packs and totally came through. 'Cause we do that.




Thursday, June 9.

Our last day in Sunriver we went kayaking on the Deschutes River. It was my first time and I loved it! Derek's already looking into kayaks for us to buy here so we can go on our own. It was fairly easy going, no Class 6 for us at this time, but I think it's only a matter of time...



That night we went to dinner at the lodge restaurant--super fancy and delicious. We walked back to our cabin and had the final round of the week-long rummy tournament. Mom won it all, of course, but that's only because she (a) keeps track through the entire game of who's going for what and everything they discard and (b) has a hidden contraption in her sleeve that allows her to get the card she needs at the last minute. It's easy I guess if you have no qualms victory dancing in your children's faces. Jk mom...you know I'm kidding!

Friday, June 10.

On Friday we packed up and headed out for Crescent City, California. We stopped in Union Creek at Beckie's for lunch and YES you have to stop there if you happen to pass by someday. It was so good. The drive got even more beautiful the farther along we went, getting closer to the coast and redwoods country. I love that area so much. It makes more sense to me than desert-y things do.



We got to Crescent City, checked into our hotel and set out in search of dinner. We landed at the Chart Room, right on the pier, and had a great view of the sun setting over the ocean. The coast is always beautiful.



Saturday, June 11.

Saturday we had a lot of driving and adventuring ahead of us so we got an early start. We drove through Redwoods National Park, which was awe-inspiring, even if it does conjure images of velociraptors jumping out of the trees at any moment to devour your family. Still beautiful. And just...enormous. One of the pictures below is of Clarence standing on the roots of a fallen tree. That's just THE ROOTS, people. We saw so much that day I have a hard time remembering it all, but at some point we ended up at Cafe Nooner in Eureka, California, which was freaking off the charts delicious, before heading over the Willow Creek, home of Bigfoot (over 10,000 sightings in this area alone). After checking out the museum at Willow Creek, we headed to Redding, over to Sacramento, through Tahoe, and sometime around midnight-ish ended up at the Grand Sierra in Nevada. Our hotel room was the nicest I've ever been in and it wasn't long before we were trying to figure out how we could get the beds back home.









Sunday, June 12.

It's a long way home from Reno to Salt Lake when you've already been driving for the better part of two days. Especially that desert, nothing drive where every time you come around a bend, you're pretty sure you've been on that stretch of road. Twice. For hours. Luckily I had my Sherlock Holmes to read. But eventually we made it home late last night. It was a great trip and I only wish I had time to upload all of the pictures we took between all of our cameras. On to the next!

Did I mention my family is the greatest?