Your Heart Is An Empty Room.

I have to admit: I daydream a lot. And I think sometimes this gets translated by other people as flightiness or ditziness. So I have a few new goals in mind, mainly two, which are (1) to not live in my own world so much and (2) to become a better speaker. I think I've got written expression down pretty well, but speaking has never been my forte, mostly because I'm usually trying to surface out of my own thoughts. Unless the conversation is really engaging; I have no problem then. I'm pretty sure I'm not at Paula Abdul incoherence status, but I know I've said some dumb, incoherent things before. I just tend to become disconnected if, er, I'm not interested.

In other news, I'm starting to dread packing so I keep putting it off. I just want to be there, dang it, and not have to go through the annoying part of air/tube travel. Oh well.
Also, I went to a show last night and re-fell in love with this artist, whose solo project is called Bellarayne. He was absolutely fantastic. Check out Cody's blog for a more eloquent explanation.

Bright and functional.

I absolutely love this room from Ikea--it's so clean and modern.

Just thinking ahead.

My friend Janae getting married reminded me of these dresses that I love. Designers: Monique L'Huillier, Judd Waddell, and Justina McAffrey. So just imagine them with all the modest accoutrements and we're good to go!

Ego indulgence.

Because I'd rather not think about packing right now, I'm taking Nae's advice and posting this. Honesty is appreciated :)

Your name:

What You Think About Me:

Am I one of your friends?:

Am I nice to you?:

HONESTLY do you think I'm Hot, Pretty, Cute, OK, Ugly,Disgusting?:

Do you ever think about me off-line?:

What do you like best about me?:

What annoys you most about me?:

One word to describe me:

Do you notice a strange habit I have?:

What is the nicest thing I have done for you?:

When you hear my name, what do you think of?:

What is my best feature?:

What guy/girl do you picture me with?:

Would you ever go out with me?(for the opposite sex only) :


Put An 'X' For Each One That Refers To Me

Outgoing
Shy
Caring
Nice
Sweet
Mean
Weird
Crazy
Smart
Stupid
Dark
Bright
Funny
Freaky

How Well Do You Know Me?

When is my birthday?:

My middle name?:

Who do I like?:

What grade am I in?:

My age?:

Any siblings?:

What color are my eyes?:

What color is my hair?:

What school do I go to?:

One Last Question...

Do ya love me?!:

New hair.

So I need to do something new with my hair before I leave for England; I'm not cutting it, just getting a trim. I've been trying to grow it out forever and it would be dumb to chop it now. So I'm going the color route, and the above pictures are similar to what I'm thinking. The main color will still be dark brown, and then with any variation of color/placement. What does everyone think? I need advice. Remember: the cut is basically staying the same, it's just color I need your help with. Which picture stands out to you? P.S. For the second one, I was going to do a silver blonde or something on dark brown, not orange. Obviously.

My currently favorite rock opera.

If you haven't heard of this band, The Dear Hunter, I highly recommend you check them out. I just bought their second album, Act II: The Meaning of & All Things Regarding Ms. Leading. Each song is a new part of the story; at times it is decidedly modern rock, and others a Victorian salute to the Indian influence on British colonialism. In any case, it's an amazing journey to listen to from start to finish. Cheers!

Change is in the air.

I've decided to change up my blog a little, and focus more on design that inspires me or that I just can't get enough of. That means you'll be seeing anything from fabric and paper to cars and fashion. Even some interior design and photography. I'm also going to be using this as a travel blog, which seems the easiest way to keep the masses informed of what's happening in London and wherever I go from there. I'll keep you posted!

Grateful.

Today I am overwhelmed by a feeling of gratitude and just overall contentment. Not even the blustery, nuclear fallout-ish weather can get me down. For one thing, the semester is over. I know I still have finals to take, but the main point is I have no papers to write, nothing to read, etc. And being an English major with no assigned reading is no small feat. Though it is strange to think that this is my last winter semester at BYU before I graduate. It's bittersweet. Mostly sweet, haha. But I will definitely miss all my professors and talking to genius people about fantastic ideas. Secondly, I am going to London. I don't know if you knew this since I never talk about it, but...haha, I'm kidding. It has really started to hit me that exactly two weeks from now, I'll have been in London for 5 1/2 hours. The sad news is, the program directors aren't allowing trips outside Great Britain for our free travel, but my little group decided that Dublin will suffice. Which leads me to another aspect of my thankfulness: having met people I can chill with in London. Not only that, but actually like and have fun with. It's amazing to me how nervous I was going into this alone, and now how everything worked out in the end. Namely, I am grateful for Carlos (who was also thinking of going winter semester like me originally, so we would have ended up friends either way), Makayla, who is hilarious and diabolically sarcastic, and Kristin, who is also funny and wants to get away from the larger group and not be a tourist. All in all, it's going to be a wild trip, I'll tell you that. And mom and dad, when you read this, by "wild" I mean "safe and organized with lots of rules."

And lastly, Cara and I are extremely blessed that our contracts for spring and summer have finally sold. I was so worried about having to pay money when we wouldn't even be living here, but it's all taken care of now. We even had someone call last night wanting to come see the apartment today, but we found out early this morning that the contracts were already sold. Thanks for being on top of it and telling us earlier, MVM! It really is a blessing though, and I'm happy to have one less thing to worry about.

Absolute nirvana.

I've said it before, and I will say it again: You have not been to a show until you've heard My Chemical Romance live. Last night's concert was ridiculously amazing. People who say "I don't like rock shows" and blah blah blah, whine whine whine whine, have either never been to one or are just ignorant. For me, there is so much more to be gained than just listening to a night of great music. As we made the trek from Provo to Saltair, Cub and I decided that while mellow shows have their good qualities, they don't have the same spirit and energy as rock shows. For example, at Joshua Radin the feeling was very individual and one-on-one with the artist. But at the same time, that feeling didn't extend outward to fellow showgoers; everyone was looking at each other slantwise with an antagonistic "Don't touch me" vibe. Yet for a show like MCR, I'm always impressed by the shared feeling of having experienced something amazing, which isn't hard with MCR since everyone there is supporting a band that has changed his or her life for the better somehow. Everyone takes care of one another during the show, which is something most people wouldn't expect from the "hard, goth-looking kids" ["Teenagers" expresses this perfectly]. Like I said to Cara: It's not just a show, it's a life experience.

Melodramatic moments aside, I am extremely grateful that (the darling) Gerard and gang decided to make one last trip around the U.S. to play small venues and to say goodbye to their fans for awhile. Only one or two people know how much this band means to me. It's rare that every song from three albums can have personal meaning for me, but such is the case with MCR. They played songs I've never heard them play before, like "Desert Song" from the Life on the Murder Scene DVD, which made me more than a little teary-eyed. Not to mention "Headfirst for Halos" from the Bullets album. And then there's always "Thank You for the Venom," "Helena," and "Famous Last Words."

Overall, the show helped me to finally relax. I've been a little ball of stress and worry for the past 8 months. The second the opening act started--Billy Talent, another favorite--I felt all the stress and negative energy and tension drain out of me. I hadn't realized how much I'd been harboring until I realized how much better I felt afterward. So today I feel revitalized and happy and ready to finish my Shakespeare paper and get ready to leave for London.
Now tell me rock shows aren't worth going to...

A quote to live by.

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." e.e. cummings

We all grow up with expectations about what we are supposed to do, or what we are are supposed to want. The American Dreams says we should get married, have 2.5 kids, and grow a garden with tomato plants. But for some people, this doesn't jive or seem to fit or to make sense. Maybe you don't like tomatoes, who knows? Although I adore both tomatoes and kids, I don't think it's right to be disparaging of others' aspirations or hopes. What it comes down to is having expectations of yourself, and keeping those expectations in line with what the Lord wills; then you know you can't go wrong. Worry about keeping your life in order so you can in turn help other people with their lives. I'm reading a book about Adlerian psychology right now for my Shakespeare paper, and the psychologist, Alfred Adler, talks about having social interest. Basically, loving yourself enables you to love others. I think that is a beautiful statement of living life outside societal pressures and just being the best you can be and to be around people who are trying to do the same. I know for myself that I'm going to make it a goal to not force people into my personal set of expectations because I've realized that everyone achieves their own purpose in their own way.

I also want to remind everyone that April is National Poetry Month. I'm feeling the Whitman vibe today, so here are the first two stanzas of section five of "Song of Myself":

I believe in you my soul, the other I am must not abase itself to you,
And you must not be abased to the other.

Loaf with me on the grass, loose the stop from your throat,
Not words, not music or rhyme I want, not custom or lecture, not even the best,
Only the lull I like, the hum of your valved voice.

Whew.

I hereby declare my 15-page research paper finished.
And I am welcoming applause, thank you.

But really, I am so ecstatic to be done. I've exhausted myself over this, taking four weeks to research, annotate, and write a rough draft. For those who are interested, I wrote on "Female Identity and the Subversion of the Male Gaze in Ethan Frome." In layman's terms, what does a book in which a female author who employs a male narrator say about the female characters' identity? Add to the mix that a third female character actually gives the most true telling of the story at the end and the male narrator disappears into the literary biosphere, and I figured I had a pretty good argument that the author undermines the male-biased narrator's vision in order to make obvious his exclusion of the women's story from his telling.

Like I said: whew.
Now on to the next...