10.25.2008

I'm pining away.


No, not for any old boy, but for a city--London. I was in the middle of getting ready for bed and it hit me how much I wish I was there now, waking up in the early morning. My dog and I would take a walk in Kensington Garden or Hyde Park before breakfast. After tramping and exploring the damp pathways of these parks, we would pick out a nice table at Caffe Nero and have breakfast while reading The Guardian.

I miss Hampstead Heath and Camden. I miss the smelly Tube and being carried along by the crowds on Oxford Street. I miss Southwark and Borough Market. I miss the history and my ward and the light. I miss the rain in the morning and going to museums for free. I miss knowing Stonehenge is 90 miles to the west, and being able to be go to Paris for a weekend. I miss my city.

10.21.2008

For clarity's sake.

If you're anything like me, then politics has always been both a passion and a frustration. To help shed some light on the game for us all, I'm recommending votesmart.org. It presents clear and, most importantly, unbiased information on the issues, candidates, and their policies. Happy voting!

10.20.2008

Paper is poetry.

One of my many obsessions is paper--its history, design, making, etc. all qualify as things that make my heart flutter. So imagine my excitement when I found out Orange Beautiful (see link at right) sells their products on etsy. I love this company's designs and will definitely be buying some new notecards asap.

10.18.2008

"The play's the thing."

It's random quote from Hamlet day; a hearty slap on the back to whomever can finish the title of this blog--no peeking! And Ash, you can't play. People who teach the lit cannot play the lit games. ;)

I was cleaning out some old computer files today and found some great stuff. Old IM conversations with Jake, story ideas from high school...everything from my four-years-ago self who I hardly recognize. Since we seem to be doing quotes today, here are some goodies I found in my files for you to digest. I love the three "why's" in the first one. Heartbreaking.


I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be a star, in somebody else's sky
But why, why, why can't it be mine?

Pearl Jam, "Black"

You'll learn from them—if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's history. It's poetry.

JD Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

And I love this one from the author of the French children's book, Le petit prince:

Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.

Antoine Saint-Exupery


So there you have it. I've got nothing else. My stomach hasn't been hurting, which is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it's nice to feel normal, and a curse because of what it might mean. Curse you, gluten gods!

10.13.2008

Getting all inspired and...stuff.

Today there was a deer on campus. Most likely by accident, I'm thinking. It's not like Cecil was there with a lead rope saying, "Isn't BYU great? We have deer." Nowai. I was sorely tempted to give her my apple, but then I remembered that the apple was organic and I was excited to eat it and that the deer would probably take a chunk out of my arm as thanks. "Thanks for the apple."Chomp! Or stamp me with her hooves. Deer have no tact, I swear. Not even if you were to give them your organic apple. Either way, the apple remained in my backpack with my strawberry SoyJoy, and the deer meandered its way through campus.

Lately I've been spending more time reading books than doing homework. It's not completely terrible, honest. I'm operating on minimum efficiency, and that's fine by me. I've finished three books since Saturday, but my booklust cannot be satiated. Like cleaning and running away, reading is my way of avoiding unpleasant things. My rational side has been shunted to a dark corner of my brain and is summarily trotted out for things like "class" and "social interaction." I have yet to realize the consequences, good or bad, of my situation, but I'm enjoying it while I can. Maybe someone can convince me of the benefits of accepting responsibility? I would have gladly accepted responsibility in my youth (last week), but since nothing came about, I was left to my own devices. Now I have three (four?) more books under my belt and even less of an ability to interact with people. Go me!

10.06.2008

The great escape.

Many of mine and Cara's walking-to-the-bus conversations (convos, if you prefer) involve turning around and running away that day, skipping class and the excitement involved with such a dastardly deed. This has only come close to happening once, and I think it's only a matter of time before we finally suck it up and do something worthwhile with our day. For now, we continue to dutifully clamber on the bus and endure whatever our professors have in store for us. Lately I've found myself completely zoning out in class and thoroughly enjoying my little made up world ("Find your Happy place,"[Happy Gilmore] if you will). Mine looks a little something like this:


A far cry from the basement of the JFSB, if you ask me.

10.04.2008

Finally fall.

Fall is my favorite time of the year--the leaves changing, the apples ripening, the air, uh, crisping. Everything about fall is on my list of favorite things: sweaters, warm comforting food, colors, snuggling by a fire, the last camping trip of the year, not to mention extra family time. Today I feel extra blessed because of the rain. (The Pacific Northwest is on my top five places to live for all the rain that area is blessed with.) It's been falling nonstop since I woke up this morning, and I've enjoyed going outside every half hour just to smell the freshness.

Tonight is our bi-annual Girls' Night Out while the boys are at the priesthood session of Conference. We're going to hit up Tai-Pan for a little bit before dinner and shopping. I love that my family has traditions like this, and I can't wait to have my own family and to keep it all going. It's going to be awesome to have my husband and his family join mine in little things like "the women getting together while the men go to priesthood." Some day...

10.01.2008

Personality test.

I took the Myers-Briggs personality test that everyone's (i.e. my sister and Janae) been raving about. Here are my results (because I know my mom will love to read it all :] ).

Idealist Portrait of the Counselor (INFJ)

Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.


And here are some more results from a different website, in case you're interested:

INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.

Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).

This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.

In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.



And finally, the last of it:

Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists -- INFJs gravitate toward such a role -- are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ.

"There's something rotten in Denmark." Accurately suspicious about others' motives, INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.

Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.

Introverted Intuition

Introverted intuitives, INFJs enjoy a greater clarity of perception of inner, unconscious processes than all but their INTJ cousins. Just as SP types commune with the object and "live in the here and now" of the physical world, INFJs readily grasp the hidden psychological stimuli behind the more observable dynamics of behavior and affect. Their amazing ability to deduce the inner workings of the mind, will and emotions of others gives INFJs their reputation as prophets and seers. Unlike the confining, routinizing nature of introverted sensing, introverted intuition frees this type to act insightfully and spontaneously as unique solutions arise on an event by event basis.

Extraverted Feeling

Extraverted feeling, the auxiliary deciding function, expresses a range of emotion and opinions of, for and about people. INFJs, like many other FJ types, find themselves caught between the desire to express their wealth of feelings and moral conclusions about the actions and attitudes of others, and the awareness of the consequences of unbridled candor. Some vent the attending emotions in private, to trusted allies. Such confidants are chosen with care, for INFJs are well aware of the treachery that can reside in the hearts of mortals. This particular combination of introverted intuition and extraverted feeling provides INFJs with the raw material from which perceptive counselors are shaped.

Introverted Thinking

The INFJ's thinking is introverted, turned toward the subject. Perhaps it is when the INFJ's thinking function is operative that he is most aloof. A comrade might surmise that such detachment signals a disillusionment, that she has also been found lacking by the sardonic eye of this one who plumbs the depths of the human spirit. Experience suggests that such distancing is merely an indication that the seer is hard at work and focusing energy into this less efficient tertiary function.

Extraverted Sensing

INFJs are twice blessed with clarity of vision, both internal and external. Just as they possess inner vision which is drawn to the forms of the unconscious, they also have external sensing perception which readily takes hold of worldly objects. Sensing, however, is the weakest of the INFJ's arsenal and the most vulnerable. INFJs, like their fellow intuitives, may be so absorbed in intuitive perceiving that they become oblivious to physical reality. The INFJ under stress may fall prey to various forms of immediate gratification. Awareness of extraverted sensing is probably the source of the "SP wannabe" side of INFJs. Many yearn to live spontaneously; it's not uncommon for INFJ actors to take on an SP (often ESTP) role.