Guilty as charged.

The combination of the past two days of cloudiness and listening to a lot of Brand New has caused me to think about something, well, someone from my past that I'd promised myself I'd never go back to mentally. So far, so good. But lately I can't get him out of my mind and it's driving me crazy. I feel so guilty for how things ended between us, and now I want more than anything to make it right. Yet I know if I were even to approach this person, all guards would come up and it might even make things worse. And the thing that sucks the most was the fact that when I look back on how we were together, I can honestly say we had no problems, and probably never would have, if it hadn't been for my own neurotic and OCD mind. He was so kind and honest to me, and really the only person I've been able to tell anything to or discuss anything with without feeling like I'd be judged. Most of the time, like now, it makes me physically sick to think how I treated him. Hence the blocking. But not anymore. I feel I deserve everything I get and I hope that someday I can know he's forgiven me. Until then, I don't think I'll ever feel right.