To begin at the end.

I've been needing to write this blog for awhile, so here goes. I was pretty bummed by summer ending. Usually I can motivate myself somehow to be excited for school and new experiences, but I think I could have done with a few more weeks of real freedom. I guess part of my reluctance involved the knowledge that this was my last official summer before "life" begins, with its vast array of jobs and responsibilities. Sigh. But as always, I've dealt with it and moved on.

The school year thus far has proved nothing dramatic--besides meeting some new people and friends (Clarence, Curt, Tusk, et al.)--it's been pretty straightforward. My editing classes are going well and, thanks to the crash course in editing my internship has given me, have been somewhat a review. For my magazine publishing class, we have the chance to work closely with the editors of BYU Magazine; our first two writing assignments are geared toward possible acceptance for publication by them, which I think is really cool. Plus, we get the inside scoop on editorial decisions, upcoming stories and issues, and basically an insider's look at the mag publishing process. They've even created a blog for us to discuss things outside class with the editors. It's awesome. My English class is likewise amazing. The professor, Dr. Talbot, was one of my mentors in England, and his class, which focuses on how English writers appropriated Classical (read Greek and Roman) writers for their own material, is so great. Since Talbot knows both classical Greek and Latin, the class truly is a learning experience. I like his traditional, yet quirky, Oxfordian style, and might take his 495 class this winter that deals with the same subject.

One thing I know I must tell you, and that is how my internship has been an absolute, freaking dream. I never imagined that I would learn or do as much as I have learned and done. Everything from editing apostles' books to writing jacket copy. It's been such a humbling experience that I know I am so lucky to have. Reading as much as I do of others' writing, I am so grateful for the particular skills and talents I was given--to make communication clearer between people is a dream job for me, and I guess I take for granted how easy it comes for me. Not to toot my own horn or anything...

For the second part of this blog, I want to write an apology. I know that sometimes I'm not the easiest person to be around, particularly when I let annoying situations get to me, and to other people that translates into me being mad at them. One thing you should know, is that if I am mad at you, I will either tell you or, most likely, resolve it within myself and move on. But that's not so easy when it comes to things I can't control or let myself become a victim of. If I'm mad and act like I'm ignoring you, chances are I'm just staying away because I know I'm a crappy person to be around at the moment and don't want to do or say anything that will make you mad at me. If I don't open up to you it's for one of a number of reasons: (1) I don't trust you, (2) I don't think it's big enough of a deal to let you in, (3) I don't want to bug you, etc. So don't take it personally; I'm a pretty introspective person anyway and like to think I can handle stuff on my own. So. Crash course in Rachel one-oh-one, right? Haha.

I will fill you in on one thing, though, because I could probably use some external encouragement to fulfill this goal. I've decided to not be so picky when it comes to relationships. And I mean this in the best way possible. I'm not by any means going to date the first guy that walks in the room; all I mean is that I know I can be impossible sometimes with my, uh, requirements, and I know this isn't right. I think it's ridiculous when guys are impossible in their requirements, so this is me jumping off the hypocrisy bandwagon. I need to start accepting the dates I get asked out on, and not worry so much that he wears plaid button-up shirts every Tuesday and Thursday, or if he hasn't heard of Radical Face or Sea Wolf. Ok, so this may take some work. But I guess I'm just tired of finding the "perfect" guy only to find out he doesn't date/has a girlfriend/insert another random issue here. The let down is so much harder at times like those. In a few words, I just need to chill and take things as they come. I'm just tired of relationships being the biggest source of sadness for me in my life. (Well, that and missing England, which is a given constant.)

A final note, and then I'm off. Most of the people who read this blog aren't on MySpace, so I'm re-issuing the plea to you that I made there: I need advice of the musical (and dare I say, the most important) kind.

Every Tuesday and Thursday I spend a lot of time driving in the car, and I am in desperate need of new music to get me through said sojourns. I'd really appreciate your suggestions. Not your souls here, people, just your suggestions.

Or if anyone feels so inclined, sending a carefully crafted mix my way wouldn't be too shabby either. ;) But tell me who you think I should listen to, no matter how eclectic/weird you might think they are.

Thanks loves!

P.S. Persons sending country and/or rap "music" suggestions will be mocked and summarily shunned. Sorry. Kinda.

News, news, news.

On Monday I found out that I got the publishing internship with Deseret Book. I'm really excited to have been chosen out of so many people, and I just want to get down there and start working. My internship begins next Tuesday, August 26, and runs until December 11. The schedule is perfect; I couldn't have planned it better myself. I work every Tuesday and Thursday, 9am-5pm. I haven't decided whether I'm going to take the express bus, a ride of 1 hour 42 minutes, or to drive Jetta to TRAX and then TRAX to the office downtown. I think cost-wise, which is what I care about more than time, the bus is the better choice, because driving Jetta would mean that in addition to paying for the gas to drive from Provo to 90th, I would have to pay for TRAX tickets, which are ridiculously expensive now if you're going to ride it as much as I would. I'm getting a student discount on my bus pass for going to school anyway, and I'm hoping it will apply to the express bus. I get a $1,000 stipend (half now, half at the end), which should help cover any weird costs I run into. In any case, wild horses couldn't keep me away from this internship.

The woman who offered me the library job I applied for at the same time as the internship was really nice about me declining--that's always a weird situation to be in, telling someone you've decided to work somewhere else. But she was great and gave me a few days to think about it and now I feel really good about my decision.

In other news, Cara and I are moving back to Provo next week, maybe on Wednesday, or most likely on Friday. I'm really looking forward to this year, since it's my last one and my classes are going to be awesome. The more I think about it, the more I realize how much I belong in this major/minor, and how maybe this was a large reason why I was supposed to go to BYU. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why I'd ever chosen to attend BYU; it's not that I wasn't against it, it just hadn't crossed my mind. My applications included more of the likes of Westminster, Brown, Dartmouth, Smith, and wonder of all wonders, BYU-Idaho (please, just, really don't ask). But six months after the application frenzy, my parents were dropping me off at U-Hall of Deseret Towers. So you never really know, I guess. None of the other schools I considered have an editing minor or focus. And that's what has kept me here at BYU, even though it took me three years to figure that out. This year is going to be awesome. I'm excited to live with Janae and have my own room again.

This summer has been somewhat hard for me. I've come to realize a lot of things about myself that I'd rather not know. Mainly, I had to learn the difference between hoping and expecting, and that it's never good to do much of the latter. I'm also having to deal with my sudden loss of independece--newsflash, Rachel can't stand to be alone. Go figure. I used to be extremely independent and liked doing my own thing, but I've come to the point where I hate even sleeping alone. Abandonment issues much? Haha... I feel bratty complaining, especially when, for the most part, I have everything I want. But I don't think it's right to have a constant feeling of discontent, and I guess I'm just voicing that.

In better news, I've started writing more on my book I started my freshman year. I get new ideas everyday and it's hard to keep them organized, so I've been writing them down and started to sort them better. We'll see how that turns out. Like Ashley has said, if "that Twilight woman can write a book," what's stopping me?

Need more friends with wings.

So the title of this blog has nothing to do with anything really, except that I was listening to Billy Talent and that was the first line of the song. Anyway, what a freakingly exhausting day this here Tuesday has been. I'm more than a little sad that I'm not in Vancouver/Portland right now, but I'll just have to plan on taking a trip there soon. Instead, today's non-Portland day was brought to you by Rachel's Internship and Job Search 2008. The internship: publishing assistant at Deseret Book. The job: Bibliographer/Researcher at the HBLL.

After a night of fitful, restless sleep, I was jerked crashingly awake this morning by my unfamiliar, very un-summer sounding alarm clock at 7:30. After a shower and quick breakfast, Cara and I left the house for the Trax station. It only took us 20 minutes from the 6400 S. Trax to the Deseret Book corporate office, so we walked around Temple Square for a little bit. My appointment wasn't until 10, and I was really glad to have Cara there with me for support and to keep me from freaking out too much. I think I have some sort of delayed nervousness syndrome because I felt fine about the whole ordeal up until about 20 minutes before my appointment. Cara got on Trax to go read at the Gateway Barnes & Noble (she really is the best sister for going with me like she did), and I walked across the street from Temple Square into the lobby of DB's offices. I told the receptionist that I had an appointment, and then Jolene came down and took me to the office where I was to take my editing/proofreading test. The test wasn't too bad; I was happy I had reviewed my copyediting marks the night before or my life would have really been difficult. About an hour later I gave my test back to Jolene, who then took me to Lisa Mangum's office for the interview. When I met Lisa, I was so relieved. She was extremely nice and down to earth. I felt really comfortable with her and being at the offices. The interview went amazingly well, I thought, and afterwards I left the offices and met Cara at Gateway where we had delicious chicken yakisoba at Edo Japan and a treat from DQ. After lunch we caught Trax back to the car, and stage two of today's adventure began. We drove to Provo (which is seriously 10 degrees hotter than SLC) and I had enough time before my interview to turn in my scholarship contract and walk around campus for a little while. My interview for a Cataloging/Acquisitions--basically data entry--position at the library on campus was for 3, and Cara and I had the funniest time trying to find the office on the 6th floor of the HBLL. I didn't even know that the library had a 6th floor. Evidently, only a certain section of the building has the much-treasured additional floor. I don't know. My interview here also went really well; I guess when you get me around book people, only good things happen. I'm blessed like that. After the interview, Cub and I met up with Janny at her work and got to talk with her about how living together this year is going to rock and about Cara's hamster concerns. And thus ended our Tuesday adventure. We made it home safely and are now enjoying the coolness of an air-conditioned house.

I guess both the internship and the job have pros and cons. In all honesty I'm hoping for the internship because it's right up my alley of where I see my career going the next five years, but the job would be just as valuable in giving me more experience. The next couple of days will tell me more, so until then...

Too much time on my hands.

One of my favorite ways of passing extra time is planning my future house. That may sound weird to some of you, but remember that I know some of you, and what you do is no less weird, right? Right. This hobby stems mostly from a love of real estate and interior design, not from some delusional fantasy that everything posted here will be mine in 1.5 years, along with 2 kids and a hot graphic designer husband. Ahem. Not at all. Tell me what you think of these rooms! They're mostly chosen with this house in mind:



Living Rooms


Bedroom


This one is my favorite--I love the modern and simple feel of platform beds.


Bathroom



Dining Room


My office



Baby Rooms




All designs were found at the Pottery Barn and West Elm websites.

Success!

When I originally added editing as my minor, the only thought going through my naive little head was of me tramping through the swampy jungle of [someone else's] bad grammar and punctuation. Maybe even a little layout design on the side. What I didn't expect was the full-on slap in the face from my dear friend, reality. Come to find out, with only three classes to go before graduation, the editing market is oversaturated and companies can basically pick and choose from thousands of hopeful, half-starved editors. My initial search for an internship seemed only in vain since 3/4 of the companies required at least a year of experience--for an internship--and the rest were internships that only the insane and suicidal would consider. (Sitting in a cubicle in front of a computer for ten hours a day proofreading phone book ads. Think about it. And I like proofreading.) I emerged from my BYU Magazine internship foray with a slightly bruised ego and the beginnings of what I call Doubt as to whether editing was a good job for someone who knew what they wanted in a job. Okay, I calmed down after awhile, only to have my fears resurface this summer when I realized graduation was less than a year away and I had yet to gain the sort of experience an internship provides. My latest attempt to eke some life into my minor was sending a resume to Deseret Book for their fall publishing internship. I thought I had a pretty good chance until after almost three weeks I hadn't heard from anyone and figured I was once again looked over for those with more experience (experience! where does one gain this all-important "experience"?). But today I checked my email in what I thought would be another fruitless delving into the emptiness of my in-box when lo and behold, an email from one Andrea Barker informed me that I was wanted at the Deseret Book offices to take their in-house editing test and to have an interview. Yay! I'm still dealing with the fact that they want me to come in on the 12th, which will be Day 2 of due diligence recon in Portland and Vancouver with Kristin, Cub, and mom's company. I told Andrea that I'm not available those days, but would be back the 15th, so let's hope that that sits kosher with her. I sure hope so. My minor and I can't take anymore "experienced" people edging in on our racket.

Guilty as charged.

The combination of the past two days of cloudiness and listening to a lot of Brand New has caused me to think about something, well, someone from my past that I'd promised myself I'd never go back to mentally. So far, so good. But lately I can't get him out of my mind and it's driving me crazy. I feel so guilty for how things ended between us, and now I want more than anything to make it right. Yet I know if I were even to approach this person, all guards would come up and it might even make things worse. And the thing that sucks the most was the fact that when I look back on how we were together, I can honestly say we had no problems, and probably never would have, if it hadn't been for my own neurotic and OCD mind. He was so kind and honest to me, and really the only person I've been able to tell anything to or discuss anything with without feeling like I'd be judged. Most of the time, like now, it makes me physically sick to think how I treated him. Hence the blocking. But not anymore. I feel I deserve everything I get and I hope that someday I can know he's forgiven me. Until then, I don't think I'll ever feel right.

Long time, no blog.

I've felt like it's been too long since I've written a real blog so I'm grateful that this past weekend is giving me the opportunity. On Friday Cara and I cleaned the house, did the laundry and went to the grocery store. The fun doesn't end there, don't worry. We braved the crowds at Cafe Rio for dinner, where we were surrounded by the smell of bad breath that seemed to be coming from the woman next to us. Said delicate female was wearing the classiest of tie-dyed swimming tank tops (you know, the kind people wore back in the 80s to the pool yet for some reason some people persist in bringing them out when the temperature even inches above 60 degrees? Yeah) and the smell was definitely a wafting one, hence our blaming her as the source. One delicious steak burrito later, we found ourselves in Jetta heading for Cafe Rio's Friday night complement, Cold Stone. When we got in the car we realized, to our perplexity and disgust, that the source of the old man's bad breath smell was actually our cups from the River Cafe and not the aforesaid woman. Oops. I don't know what the secret ingredient is that they use in making their cups, but it doesn't smell legal and is definitely not non-toxic. Anyway, we went to Cold Stone, then to Blockbuster to look for the movie Penelope, which stars two of my favorite actors, Christina Ricci and James McAvoy. Sadly, the ol' B-Bust did not come through for us, so we went home and watched Be Kind, Rewind with the fam. Jack Black was a freaking riot, as usual, and Friday ended on a good note.

My family is very outdoorsy so we decided to go hiking on Saturday morning. Having stayed up late the night before, there was no small amount of mumbles and grumbles as we got ready to go. But once we were on the road and in the mountains everything calmed down and we really enjoyed ourselves. My dad, who is pretty much professional when it comes to finding cool places for us to hike/camp/boat/have fun (but not at finding buffets, hahaha...family joke), took us to a new place called Deseret Peak out west past the Salt Lake and Tooele and Grantsville.
The hike wasn't too bad; we went up about 2 miles, ate lunch and then hiked back down. We plan on returning again and hiking the last mile and a half to the lake--we were all pretty tired this time around. That night we went to dinner at Sampan, which was delicious as usual. Cara and I went to Smith's because she wanted to get some presents for Clarence, who is moving to Utah from Montana tomorrow. I'm really excited to finally meet him! It's so weird to think that my whole family has met him and I haven't. I know he's awesome though because Cara wouldn't be dating him if he wasn't. But yeah, I'm really excited for them because the whole long-distance thing has sucked so it'll be great for them to finally live near each other.

After Smith's we went to good ol' Wood Ranch park and hung out on my Stonehenge picnic blanket. Jess met up with us after a while and told us about everything going on with her; it was good to see her after so many months. Today was the usual church going where we had a really good lesson about obedience. I know it's something I need to take to heart more actively. It's one thing to be doing good on the big things like going to church, but I need to work on little things like not being bratty and ungrateful. One of the best things about today was that my Aunt Nonnie, who's visiting from Denver, was nice and brought my grandma and her husband to our house from the nursing home so they could eat dinner with us. Cub, mom, and I made a sirloin roast, mashed potatoes with gravy, broccoli and carrots, apple salad, green salad, and rolls. Kinda delish, I'd say. It was good to see my grandma and let her get out of her room for a little bit. Nonnie also let her new little Yorkie stay with me tonight. Her name is Chloe and she is absolutely darling.


She's four months old and such a good dog. We took a nap together today and then went for a walk with Abby, who is ginormous compared to Chloe. So that's this weekend in a blogshell. Tomorrow I have to run errands with Derek for his Eagle Scout project, but other than that it shouldn't be too bad. This week's going to be crazy, what with getting ready to go camping and all, but I'll try to find time to write again. I have some books I want to recommend. So until then :)

Poetry, just because.

The Builder

I chose my own illusion,
from frozen salt I made its likeness--
I based my time on the great rain
and, even so, I am still alive.

It is true that my long mastery
divided up the dreams
and without knowing there arose
walls, separations, endlessly.

Then I went to the coast.

I saw the beginnings of the ship,
I touched it, smooth as the sacred fish--
it quivered like the harp of heaven,
the woodwork was clean,
it had the scent of honey.
And when it did not come back,
the ship did not come back,
everyone drowned in his own tears
while I went back to the wood
with an ax naked as a star.

My faith lay in those ships.

I have no recourse but to live.

-Pablo Neruda

My new favorite hobby.

Music. Reading. Writing. Swimming. Art. Fashion. Next to be added to my pantheon of hobbies is cooking. I've recently been hired as the Executive Chef of Chez Spohn, and let me tell you, I've taken up the challenge with relish. I've always loved to cook, but have never had to do so for five people. It's so relaxing and fulfilling to me to cook good food for people and to have them enjoy it. And the best part is that I know I'm learning skills that I'll have for the rest of my life. The domestic goddess in me has been screaming to be let out, and my parents have gratefully conceded. Let's face it, I didn't give them much of a choice. Now if only I could convince them to let me decorate our new house...

Favorite website of the week: Williams-Sonoma. The utensils! The baking dishes! The gadgets that only Emeril knows how to use! It's heaven.

We'll be right back after these messages.

The first blog of July! To be continued after Florida...I know I've been a class-A slackerton. So far I have three blog drafts saved but haven't had the time to flesh 'em out like they deserve. Here's a preview: Be prepared for one blog started in London called "Oil Dependency," another titled "Foul Phrases," and finally, "The Day Humanity Melted." Patience, friends.